Yeah, maybe you’re a Croat to!

In the last decade, genetic research has advanced so much that the tracking of family origin became a commercial industry. Today, through projects such as Geno 2.0 origins can be traced to the deep past. We recommend you a cheaper and more funny way to discover whether you are partly Croat.

YOU KNOW YOU’RE CROATIAN WHEN…

-Your Dida (grandpa) has a shot of Rakija (grappa) for breakfast
-Though Baba (grandma) is 98 years old and 4 feet tall she downs a litre of “crno vino” (red wine) every night with dinner
-At least one family member makes his own wine
-“Sljivovica” (plum spirit  ) is used not only to celebrate at all occasions, but to cure illness and as a massage lotion as well
-You were still in elementary school the first time you got drunk
-The majority of your friends are also your relatives
-Even if they aren’t your relatives, you refer to their parents as “Teta” (aunt) and “Striko” (uncle)
-When you come home from school with your report card, instead of getting a reward for bringing home all “A’s” (like your American friends), your parents are angry that you didn’t get “A+’s” like Stipe did
-At least once before you’ve told your parents that you’ll call the police to report “child abuse” and each time your parents said “Samo
probaj” (just try), you knew full well that “samo probaj” was a warning, and that if you actually did, they’d probably kill you before the arrival of the police.
-When leaving the house to go out, you always receive the same warnings regardless of age:
-“Pazi sta radis” – Be careful what you do
-“Pamet u g
lavu” – Be smart
-“Nemoj me sramotit” – Dont embarrass me
-“Nemoj da ja sta cujem” – I do not want to hear gossip about you
-Sadly, if something actually does happen, somehow Mama will know before you make it home (baba hotline?)
-When you come home from somewhere Mama will insist that you eat something the minute you walk in the door
-Dinner on a normal day has more courses than Americans have for Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner
-There is a slab of fat in your fridge called SLANINA
-All meals your parents have ever prepared contain one key ingredient -“Vegeta”
-Vegetarianism is not a concept your parents understand
-Your parents refer to you as “stoka” (You animal!) when they’re angry
-You are never ever allowed to sit by an open a window for fear of catching pneumonia from the “propuh” (light breeze) even in the middle of summer.
-When upset, it isn’t unusual for Tata to send you “u pizdu maternu” (impossible to translate)

-Tata wears socks with sandals
-Baba and Dida wear at least 3 layers of clothing in all seasons
-You never got the “Birds and the Bees” talk from Mama and Tata as you were growing up
-Whenever your parents said “vidit cemo” (we’ll see ) you knew that it meant “NO!”
-You have at least 6 close relatives named Marija or Ivan
-on holidays in Croatia you have to be careful of who you fool around with in your selo because the majority of them are related to you
-You know that in order to smuggle ‘domaca sljivovica’ into America without having it detected you have to bottle it in plastic bottles